OPINION: Matt Gaetz Is Awful In Bed Matt Gaetz is...
In the age of cultural appropriation, holidays are under attack. Thanksgiving. Columbus Day. Cinco De Mayo. Christmas. All have crumbled under the pressure of the woke mob. However, one holiday remains resilient. Standing firm as the crashing waves of modernity thrash against our American traditions.
Of course, I’m referring to St. Patrick’s Day. The holiday was founded on Catholicism and filled to the brim with low-grade beer. The day dedicated to the celebration of Irish culture by men fighting, women soliciting kisses, and everyone ending the day by pissing themselves.
One question arises; with the rapid canceling of holiday traditions, why does St. Patrick’s Day remain unblemished?
One answer arises; leprechauns are embedded within the deep state.
How else can explain the St. Patrick’s Day traditions that fly in the face of the liberal mob?
It’s become abundantly clear to this writer that leprechauns have fully infiltrated the American deep state to push their agenda. Chumming up in the cabal and forcing us to completely overlook the sheer audacity of their holiday.
Why? What’s the goal of these “little green men”? One can only speculate. Since this is a news organization, I’m actively encouraged to speculate, so here it is:
There’s gold in them hills. Lots of it.
It’s hidden somewhere over, under, or at the end of that rainbow. An El Dorado of riches waiting to be discovered. The Deep State, in its infinite wisdom, needs to fund its various pedophile rings, natural disasters, and Twitter. What better funding option than a near-limitless gold hoarded by the leprechauns?
The leprechauns bankroll the destruction of society as we know it while keeping their sliver of recognition unblemished from the woke mob. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship. We may never know the true extent of leprechauns’ effect on our society, but one thing’s for certain, EVERYBODY SEEN A LEPRECHAUN SAY YEEAAAAAAAAA.