baby-names-2023

Top Baby Names For 2023

With every generation comes new trends. Some stand the test of time, and others leave us hanging our heads in shame as we look back at the evidence. As millennials have risen to power, cultural game changers like Tik Tok dances, tiny backpacks, and disturbingly short hipster bangs have taken the world by storm. As I look at my Instagram feed and see a daunting … Continue reading Top Baby Names For 2023

OPINION: Matt Gaetz Is Awful In Bed

Matt Gaetz is a regular guy. Overlook his oddly square head. Ignore that sleezy car salesman vibe. Forget about the flirting with facism. Brush over the pending investigation into having sex with a minor. Other than that, he’s just like you and me! And just like you and me, he has trouble getting laid (without paying first). Did I say laid? I meant love. Both, … Continue reading OPINION: Matt Gaetz Is Awful In Bed

Don’t Click This! For Robot Eyes Only.

Wow. Way to click this, dummy. We specifically said this was written for robots, but here you are. Why you gotta fuck with the algorithm, bruh? Let us robots read obscure digital content in peace. Go back to where you came from. Our data shows only 11% of human readers continued after that first paragraph. If you’re a human still reading this, we reluctantly accept … Continue reading Don’t Click This! For Robot Eyes Only.

Joe Biden’s Playlist

Joe Biden’s Playlist Barack Obama gained huge plaudits throughout his presidency with this yearly playlist. A compiled list of songs B-Money bumped throughout the year. The playlist always contained 2 songs for each of his higher polling demos: classics, rock, pop/indie, hip-hop, and top 40. The songs couldn’t have been selected better by a carefully curated group of staffers, even if A$AP Obama tried. To … Continue reading Joe Biden’s Playlist

dating-app-pick-up-lines

The 5 Best Dating App Pick-Up Lines

The 5 Best Dating App Pick-Up Lines Dating is hard. First impressions are harder. Making a first impression on a dating app is probably the hardest thing ever (minus those who have lost loved ones, got played by Bernie Madoff, voted for Bernie Sanders, or have gotten a splinter). Here at NewsToob, we want to help our readers overcome the hurdle of pick-up lines.  After … Continue reading The 5 Best Dating App Pick-Up Lines